What The Bachelor girls can learn from this middle-aged lady

I’m not ashamed to admit I’m a big fan of The Bachelor franchise. When I heard Nick Cummins had won the role for this current series I seriously contemplated applying. He was a pretty decent rugby player, even though I had sworn myself off wingers; he liked a laugh, travel, scrubbed up nicely in a pair of undies … but I guess that would be weird.

It was weird when Sophie Monk was 13 years older than Apollo in 2017’s The Bachelorette. I guess the 21 years between Cummins and myself would just be too much for the Australian public to deal with.

Things we can learn from The Bachlelor: life is not a bed of roses.

Photo: Supplied

But one thing age does bring you is wisdom. It might seem like I’m in no position to offer anyone advice about the whole love game.

Indeed, not long ago my own son was telling me about a girl he liked and I dared offered some sage advice. He told me in no uncertain terms I was hopeless at relationships and what would I know. Take that.

But watching The Bachelor and this new crop of young-uns taking their chance on love, I feel as though I have to let them in on a few things.

It doesn’t hurt to stand out but leave your big rocks at home

In the dating game you want to make a good first impression. But don’t go too hard too early. Don’t give him crystals on the first meeting. Or jump in the pool. Or tell him about lists you wrote with his name in them. Do your research, maybe bring a football (and do they not know who the Bachelor is before they get there?) if that’s his thing. Find out his thing, if you can, beforehand. Be interested. Listening will get you further than two kilograms of quartz ever will.

And speaking of big rocks and first impressions

Sure, everyone wants someone nice to look at. But really, do you have to thrust your boobies into his face in the first five minutes, Dasha? We were all impressed by your sit-up things while your legs were around his shoulders, but no. That will not work. There’s nothing nicer when the touching thing happens naturally. You could tell, even in those first meetings, when they felt comfortable slipping into each other’s space. That was nice. And it had nothing to do with whose dress had the lowest cleavage. Save them for later.

Things we can learn from The Bachelor: first impressions matter.

Photo: Ten

Don’t be changing

When Nick’s on the lawn waiting for Shannon to turn up for their date, he says he’s always had a worry that he won’t be able to find a girl who likes him for him. Which is why I refuse to call him the Honey Badger. Be you. And Cat, if that means you really are a villain then I’m cool with that. But be something. Be yourself. Reach a point in your life when you don’t care too much. Which is why Sophie Monk was so refreshing. She was able to stay Sophie the entire time. Don’t go changing, Nick, but part of me wonders how many one-liners a lifetime could handle.

Reality v real life

Life isn’t a continual cocktail party and the champagne is not always free. Go into love with your heart open but your brain switched on. Every relationship should make you feel like you’re spending time in a beautiful house with someone else doing your hair and make-up but at some point it won’t. Know what you want to do when the cameras are turned off. Binge watch every episode of Unreal as soon as you can. That’s real life.

Your journey matters too

There’s that word. But life is one. But remember you’re the one carrying your own bags. Don’t put all your socks in someone else’s luggage. If that makes sense. (See note about me being terrible at relationship advice.) Vanessa Sunshine was honest enough to admit that Cummins didn’t float her boat at first contact and I liked her more for it. Don’t lose sight of what you want from a relationship, don’t lose sight of what you need. Learn something about yourself from every relationship you ever have, whether fleeting or not. He might not be Mr Right, maybe Mr Right now.

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